“And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect” Romans 12:1-2
I learned the importance of soul-care the awkwardest way possible: not doing it.
It all started when I bounced out of a coffee shop timeout feeling rejuvenated and invigorated.(Yep, I’m a firm believer that adults, moms, and general crazy-busy people need timeouts too) I took a break from work, gave myself a change of scene and did something just for me. All I did was grab a cup of coffee, but I did it alone. Just. For. Me. I couldn’t believe how energized I felt both during and after. It was unbelievable. I began to unpack why I felt so good, and knew I had to figure out how to do more of this in the future. Like water when you’re parched, or laughter that fills your heart up…..I was determined to put the joy back in joyful.
After the crash that I talked about here with a need to restore my body…….came the next stage- taking care of my soul. I would love to say that coming into this change I was equipped with a mountain of wisdom from life experience but as I stated at the very beginning, it was every bit the opposite. There was actually a ton of fallout and mess that needed to be cleaned up. For starters, my work life balance was out of whack. (Actually, it was wiggity wiggity whack, for any other 80’s/90’s kids out there, ya feel me?) So I started there. Hubs and I held a family meeting, evaluated our stress levels, talked to people wiser than us, and started to do research. This led us to pushing as hard as we could for health in all areas including work, marriage, family, etc. We stepped back and reevaluated everything. At the time we were involved in full-time ministry which was becoming a bit of a time-monger monster. Ministry or insert whatever your life work is, is not the only thing your life should revolve around. Jesus must be at the center and it all, and everything should revolve around him. Jesus cares about you, and that also includes taking care of the life he has given you. After a lot of prayer we realized we needed to both scale back and delegate more. So we did. The non-negotiables of keeping our relationship with Jesus a priority as well as protecting our marriage and family needed some cleaning up. We not only decided to give ourselves a buffer, but also looked for ways to create more life. We implemented things like date night, family night, and even gave ourselves some time off in the evenings. The results were shocking-not only did we enjoy our life more, but we had more energy and capacity to do what we knew God was calling us to do.
The the biggest surprise of all came when this question stared me in the face: If I’m willing to prioritize the health of my marriage & family- why wasn’t I taking time for me? I’m not talking about over the top, constant selfish behavior or #treatyoself into oblivion. I mean looking at what I needed to do to recharge my batteries and making that a priority. As an introvert, that revolved around time for myself, to invest in myself. Over the next few years, it evolved. At the time I was living in a developing nation, I could grab a taxi into the city and a coffee for less than $10. I found a quality masseuse to help with major back & shoulder issues. Sometimes I spent the morning in, and gave myself some mental space. Over time, soul-care evolved. I needed to connect more deeply with Jesus, and that took on a life of its own. I also tried coloring, reading, making candles, worshipping and going for walks. It wasn’t just about alone time, but filling my tank when I took time alone. There was so much trial and error but the greatest revelation was this: your internal world is worth taking care of, and so are you my friend!
My takeaways from this season were:
You are worth taking care of
My Mom often says to me “be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend”. I would have no problem encouraging one of my besties to get a pedicure if she was needing some self-love, a stressed friend to get a massage, or someone needing a little TLC to go grab a coffee and take it down a few notches. The truth is, I would guilt myself out of any of these or all of these on a regular basis….until I started taking soul care more seriously. Mom’s advice proves true. Be kind to yourself, you are worth the investment of care and kindness.
It will look different for you than it will for someone else
Working in missions for 15+ years gave me a lot of perspective on different people and different cultures. I’ve literally worked with hundreds of people, from every continent and no one does life the exact same way. My advice to each team during orientation, before they even began serving was this: outside of your time serving/ working do what you need to do to take care of YOU. The truth is your needs will look different than someone else’s. My extroverted friends needed time with others so they’d host a game night. My introverted friends needed to retreat to their rooms and watch a movie alone or journal. My active friends needed to go for a run or hit the gym, and my over stressed friends often just needed a nap or extra time with Jesus. There is no one size fits all here. If you are looking for permission- consider it granted! Truth is, what you need to refresh and recharge will look different than someone else and there is nothing wrong with that- it’s just different and that’s OK.
Give yourself the freedom to explore what it looks like for you
For me, this process was a lot of trial and error. I would hang out with people during my time off (knowing I needed time alone) and find myself resentful. I tried to run errands before/ after a coffee break and found my time overspent with stress. I tried a workout routine that did not work for me……and then found one that did. The best advice I can give you would be this: start with what you know is life-giving and go from there. If you, like me, at the beginning of this journey, had no clue, then give yourself grace to start experimenting. Nobody does something perfect the first time so give yourself the time, space and freedom to explore what is most refreshing and incorporate that more into your day/ week/ month/ year. Think about the last time your tank felt full. Or you walked away from something thinking “I need to do more of this” and then do more or it. Trust me, you will get to a point that it not only feels great, but empowers you in every area of your life.
Heart to heart I want you to hear this: you don’t have to do this process exactly like I did, but I want you to hear that truly taking care of yourself means evaluation and change. This is an evolving and grace-filled process not something that is an overnight happy accident. As Romans 12 encourages us- we offer ourselves to God as a living sacrifice. That means every part of us and giving our Father our best….you can’t offer your best if it hasn’t been taken care of. Your body, soul, and spirit are precious to God, you’re worth taking care of!
Lots of Love,
Joy