We’ve all been there, you know what it’s like to be disappointed all too well. An evaluation at work that feels like the knot in our stomach never got its release. A test score that was embarrassingly lower than expected, results that come back from a procedure hold an outcome we never could have anticipated. A missed deadline. A dropped ball. Being too late to the party or never arriving at all. Any of these, all of these, any combination of these can leave us with that nagging, overwhelming sentiment of disappointment that chips away at our sense of peace. What do we do with disappointment when we’re disappointed?
Here’s 5 key things to help.
- Take time to grieve. There is no way around it, but disappointment in any fashion is the result of a hope that was dashed, an unmet expectation or a pain that can fester like any emotional wound. Unchecked, untreated or ignored, it will ruminate in your thinking only getting worse. So what do we do? Treat yourself like Jesus treated the hurting and give yourself some compassion. Disappointment stinks! Pray. Let the pain out. Go for a walk. Punch/ scream into your pillow. Talk to a trusted friend. Cry. Pray. Process your feelings through journaling, make an appointment with your counselor and pray. Did I mention prayer? Whatever you have to do to acknowledge how you are feeling instead of ignoring the fact that disappointment has occurred, recognize it for what it is and give yourself permission to grieve.
- Give yourself time to cool off. As soon as you’re able to step away from the situation, do it! Whether you listen to a funny podcast, go for a walk (yep, sometimes it takes more than one to get your mind off of things), spend some time wrangling your kids or playing with the dog, give your brain a break in order to cool off and see the issue more objectively. A little distance (not ignoring it) can create mental clarity.
- Invite God into the middle of the situation. You’ve allowed some of the loss to seep out, you’ve taken a step back, to try to further loosen your hold on the situation allowing God to come in. You might see that change in your heart won’t happen immediately but that doesn’t mean that God isn’t at work. By inviting him into the situation, it allows for fresh perspective and it shows God we mean business about letting go of trying to micromanage his hand at work.
- Wait for rescue. There are a lot of ways that God comes through for us. Maybe it is a shift of perspective, maybe it’s a fresh slant on an ancient truth…..and maybe it’s when the peace that passes all understanding descends. But know this, God does not want to leave you on your own, feeling abandoned in your sorrow. Ask, seek, knock and trust God to show up when you’re hurting.
- Trust him for redemption. Sometimes we find him in the middle of our pain, in the fallout, and sometimes it takes us time to see him work. Either way, that does not mean that God has dropped the ball on you, or dropped you. Take a minute and write down a disappointment from the past year, and look at the lingering work of redemption from that situation. Did something better come along later? Was the initial pain actually something that God used for good? Can you see him turning around what hurt at first, to become something better than you could have imagined in the middle of your pain? Borrow the trust from your own testimony and drag it into the middle of your current situation. Worship, cry, process, pray. Whatever you need to do, just refuse to shut God out of your situation, or use it to make a case against him. Your Father loves you, is at work, and won’t waste a thing that you go through.
Whether it’s before, during or after the disappointment, be found surrendering, letting go and trusting God to work in our lives to draw us closer, and glorify him. Disappointment happens to EVERYONE, but as we continue to walk with Jesus we can handle it with greater maturity and in a way that will make us know him, and make him known through every challenge and trial.
Much love,
Joy
Author’s Note: I’m not trying to make light of tender things like a diagnosis, a loss, or any of the above mentioned triggers to disappointment. Every single one of these triggers has happened to me personally. However, in retrospect, my hope is to pass on some tools that will help you to move through disappointment at a pace that works for you, when you’re ready. Much love.